On the First Avenue L platform, Brooklyn-bound, a man is seated alone on the bench. He is as round as a little Buddha, with a cherubic face, white beard, and a Santa hat, even though it's nowhere near Christmas. He is singing a cappella, apparently making up the lyrics as he goes along.
"Spread your thighs, welcome to the Lower East Side, spread your thighs, drink healthy and delicious Brothel Soup. Every woman makes Brothel Soup between her thighs. Every woman on the grill, on the grill to give men a thrill."
Illustration by Victor Kerlow
His sweet, innocent-sounding voice contrasts with his spectacularly vulgar and shocking imagery. The song goes on and on. People on the platform look nervous. Then the Santa pauses for a word from his sponsor, "Brought to you by delicious, vegan Brothel Soup." The people on the platform begin to smile.
Another man sits down at the other end of the bench, a fellow with several missing teeth, dressed in a Chicago Bulls jacket. He asks the Santa, "What's that you're singing?"
"Brothel Soup," says the Santa.
"What's that all about?"
"Every woman makes Brothel Soup. And many of them are bisexual. Did you know that? 90% of women are bisexual. All lesbians are bisexual. That means they like men and women."
"Oh yeah?" says the Chicago fan, "What do they do with them?"
"They eat you," says Santa.
"Eat you? What do you mean?"
"They lick your rectum," says Santa, sweetly, in his weird child's voice. "They lick your balls. They suck the sausage. I eat them, too."
"How many women you got?"
"Two at a time. They pay me!"
See more JVNY with artist Victor Kerlow:
Helluva Lot of Beer
...and check out Victor's blog Chopped in Two