Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Brothel Soup

On the First Avenue L platform, Brooklyn-bound, a man is seated alone on the bench. He is as round as a little Buddha, with a cherubic face, white beard, and a Santa hat, even though it's nowhere near Christmas. He is singing a cappella, apparently making up the lyrics as he goes along.

"Spread your thighs, welcome to the Lower East Side, spread your thighs, drink healthy and delicious Brothel Soup. Every woman makes Brothel Soup between her thighs. Every woman on the grill, on the grill to give men a thrill."

Illustration by Victor Kerlow

His sweet, innocent-sounding voice contrasts with his spectacularly vulgar and shocking imagery. The song goes on and on. People on the platform look nervous. Then the Santa pauses for a word from his sponsor, "Brought to you by delicious, vegan Brothel Soup." The people on the platform begin to smile.

Another man sits down at the other end of the bench, a fellow with several missing teeth, dressed in a Chicago Bulls jacket. He asks the Santa, "What's that you're singing?"

"Brothel Soup," says the Santa.

"What's that all about?"

"Every woman makes Brothel Soup. And many of them are bisexual. Did you know that? 90% of women are bisexual. All lesbians are bisexual. That means they like men and women."

"Oh yeah?" says the Chicago fan, "What do they do with them?"

"They eat you," says Santa.

"Eat you? What do you mean?"

"They lick your rectum," says Santa, sweetly, in his weird child's voice.
"They lick your balls. They suck the sausage. I eat them, too."

"How many women you got?"

"Two at a time. They pay me!"

See more JVNY with artist Victor Kerlow:
Helluva Lot of Beer
Pig Sty
Nighthawks Op-Ed
Meatpacking Art

...and check out Victor's blog Chopped in Two


Richard D James said...

If only there were a 2nd Avenue L Platform...


There is a 1st Ave stop and a 3rd Ave stop.

Jeremiah Moss said...

thanks for catching that--fixed!

Marty Wombacher said...

This is a great little moment in time! And I love the illustration.

Goggla said...

Gah...I just sat down for my lunch of tomato soup and tuned in to JVM...not feeling so hungry now!

BabyDave said...

And here I was thinking Second Avenue El. (although the Chicago Bulls sort of shot that down).

betty said...

Ahh! I remember this guy! He was so quiet and casual, I tried to listen to his song but after hearing them I thought I was crazy!

Crazy Eddie said...

To paraphrase Zero Mostel’s line from the original “The Producers”:
“That’s our Mayor!”

Jeremiah Moss said...

Goggla, i know, it's really quite repulsive in print, but much more entertaining in real life.

Betty, wish i'd had a tape recorder. his lyrics went on and on and on.

City Of Strangers said...

My gf caught this guy on the L some weeks ago. Not quite so profane, but equally random and surreal. Must be a fixture . . .