Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Eau de Gentrification

Earlier this year, Bond No. 9 announced their creation of a perfume that smells like the High Line. Not the old, scraggly, weedy High Line, but the new, groomed, condo-smooth High Line.

Earlier this summer, the Bleecker window of Bond No. 9 sported the High Line perfume's new tagline: THE SCENT OF URBAN RENEWAL.

Summer is over, but the odor of urban renewal still lingers.



Exactly what does urban renewal smell like?

A. Fresh ink on an eviction notice
B. Fumes from demolition machines
C. The off-gassing of volatile organic compounds from countless plastic iPhone housings
D. Cupcakes

19 comments:

EV Grieve said...

Urban renewal smells like my 23-year-old neighbor's beer bong.

Adjunkt said...

There is "eau de gentrification" but no cologne celbrating CBGB? That is just wrong.

Teri Tynes said...

They should also make a perfume called "embourgeoisement," a frothy blend of cupcakes and the new car smell. That would at least create the illusion that there actually is a bourgeois to join.

Anonymous said...

E. All of the above

VisuaLingual said...

OMFG, you're killing me... Rather, the gross absurdity of this eau de bullshit kills me.

Anonymous said...

...an $18 muddled, herb-infused martini??

Caleo said...

I can't believe the depths of banality that yunnie automatons will sink to.
I can't even say much more than that, because this post left me mostly speechless.

Anonymous said...

Are you copying the Onion?

Anonymous said...

It smells like a $3000.00 Marc Jacobs handbag.

Goggla said...

This explains why the Holland Tunnel smells like cinnamon buns today. Inhale deeply, everyone!

Anonymous said...

Can someone please explain to me the mystique of the High Line? I've been there one time. I see almost nothing to like about it. It's something between a lame park and a narcissistic runway. Perhaps if I were 24 again, I'd enjoy it: after PS1, let's laze around at a futuristic elevated "park" that's too narrow to really relax, rock some bright-red lens-free sunglasses frames, and watch the world pass us by. Then we can consume a bunch of overpriced shit at Chelsea Market!

Fuckin' city has gone to shit, kids. Meh. Urban renewal my ass.

PS: BUY NOW OR BE PRICED OUT OF THE MARKET FOREVER!

Anonymous said...

Urban renewal cologne: Ugh!
Your list of what it smells like: Hilarious!!!

Marty Wombacher said...

It smells like team spirit:

"I feel stupid and contagious,
Here we are now, entertain us."

gabriel said...

Close your eyes, and indulge in a luke-warm breath of 42nd and 8th circa 1993.

Jeremiah Moss said...

"stupid and contagious." the rallying cry of the Now.

laura said...

this is so like the real estate post 8/27 "the language was farcical" - another crappy product & they are trying sooooo hard. i would run from this perfume like i would run from those developers. i cant think of anything less sexy than smelling..... like a walk way? new york has caught up w/the rest of america. or the rest of america has invaded new york.

Claribel said...

Went back to your 6/9/09 post with the link to Joel Sternfeld's photos of the original High Line. Everyone should visit the photos instead of the current High Line park! I haven't been to the new version, but now I can easily skip it. Seeing Sternfeld's photos during different seasons, it's clear there was a magical quality to the original and the new version is a shallow replacement.

Ed said...

I happen to hate the aesthetics of the High Line as well, and have learned to become suspicious of anything new in this city, but even if you love the High Line there are sufficient reasons to hate it.

It is ridiculously expensive to operate, meaning too much money is diverted to its upkeep from more worthy projects. But also remember that the High Line used to be a rail line. The City is trying to develop the areas that it runs through. For many people, this is the problem -but even if you are pro-development, if you want to develop an area, and make it stick, you want to put in transportation! Bloomberg is promoting the 2nd Avenue extension, where they could have taken the money spent on making the High Line a park, and retrofitted it for passenger rail! We could have had improved transportation access to the West Side.

Plus as oil prices increase, and the city aims to reduce vehicular congestion, there is a good chance we would have wanted to run rail freight on the thing later.

Even as a park it doesn't compare well to the various pedestrian promenades that have been put in over the past four decades. There is something really tone death about Bloomberg and his development plans.

Gaziano said...

The store manager is being facetious, right? There is no such perfume inside. Or are the people running this store fucking assholes too?