Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Note from the Backside #3

Enjoy this latest installment of Notes from the Backside...



Note from the Backside #3:

"You know how annoying it is to sit at a restaurant at a table near people who talk too loud and/or like to conduct their business in front of an audience? Well, my whole apartment is now sitting at that lousy table. I had to close the windows, turn on the fan, and still I could hear the inanities.


I tried a new tactic. There’s a CD of sounds to annoy your neighbor. I treated them to 'Orgasm' and 'Drill.' At first one of the women said in a knowing way, 'oh, ok-ay then,' upon hearing the orgasm. But then they just went back to chatting endlessly about their jobs and hiring temps, etc."

13 comments:

Ken Mac said...

urine filled baloons

EV Grieve said...

Perhaps the Cooper trooper works in the porn biz and is used to hearing the sound of fake orgasms all day....

L'Emmerdeur said...

Three words: Andrew Dice Clay.

It worked on the moron kumbaya chanters loitering outside my dorm window at Brown, it will work on these fools, too.

Bowery Boogie said...

i'm with ken.

Anonymous said...

A cd like "orgasm" is just going to make them feel like they are having another "edgy" experience. I'd suggest "Dead Yuppies" by Agnostic Front, anything by Crass, and maybe inviting Leftover Crack to come by for a rehearsal session.

Goggla said...

Used cat litter and a fan...guaranteed to clear a square mile.

Anonymous said...

My apartment is in the next-door building as well and I have to concur with the Backside reporter here. It's exactly like my whole life is overhearing too-loud fools. I haven't tried any of these tactics, I wish the hotel would take measures to preserve some quality of life. They are illegally using their "emergency egress" door next door to 207 East 5th for trash disposal 12am-2am every night and the clanging of bottles wakes up constantly. That's a violation of their agreement not to use that door for anything but emergency exit. I hope it comes up at tonight's meeting. The Cooper Square Hotel is such a terrible neighbor. I don't know who would want to pay top price for cocktails to sit in a tenement air shaft.

Anonymous said...

Drop one or two snakes on them.

Alex in NYC said...

That poor resident should get themselves a copy of PLAGUE MASS by Diamanda Galas. Without question, it is the most harrowing music I've ever heard.

Bob said...

Toss some Cradle of Filth or Hatebreed into the mix for good measure. I'm sure the trendsters will have trouble bearing it. Although I too defer to Ken Mac's idea as the best.

Eden Bee said...

Four Words.
Steely Dan. Deacon Blues.

Period.

Anonymous said...

Throw a shoe-box full of cockroaches or mice out there while it's crowded.

Anonymous said...

I used to use a Gregorian chant cd to clear the bar I worked at. Worked like a charm every time.