Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Notes from the Backside

With the patio lounge of the Cooper Square Hotel open and loudmouth weather upon us, the hotel’s unwitting neighbors, whose tenement bedroom and living-room windows are front-row for the hubbub, have become restless and frustrated.

Now and then, notes and photos come out of that tenement. The photos show just how close "too close" can be. The notes outline the many creative ways one can pay back the annoyance. As long as these dispatches from the Coop's posterior keep surfacing, I will gather them here as “Notes from the Backside."



Note from the Backside #1:
"got to try the megaphone this week. About 2 am a drunk woman came out to the patio and wondered at its beauty. I pulled out the megaphone and said in a store announcer kind of voice 'Attention Cooper Square Hotel douchebags: shut the hell up and get off the patio.'

Didn’t work. She said 'That makes my new york experience complete' and continued to yammer away."

34 comments:

EV Grieve said...

Wow. The hotel bar/lounge area is even closer to the neighbors than I had imagined. Unbelievable.

Anyway, I like this new feature. Maybe some good will come out of it...??? Did Hairy Cooper not make it past the focus group?

Karate Boogaloo said...

This is great! Looking forward to more. Sort of like "Overheard In New York" with pictures!

BaHa said...

Grotesque. I suggest eggs under the cover of darkness, it worked for, uh, someone I know.

Ken Mac said...

wow, and I complain about the morons on the roof two buildings away. This is incredible.

Bowery Boogie said...

great feature! i get the feeling you will be hearing tons of stories. and i'm with grieve, this will help get the word out.

Goggla said...

Time to stock up on eggs.

Anonymous said...

On a walking tour of Edinburgh, the guide mentioned that pre-indoor plumbing Scots used to empty their chamber pots into the street below, shouting "gardy-loo!" as a warning. So if the hotel becomes too obnoxious...

BK said...

I agree with you, ken. I can't believe how close the patio is to the residents...

Matt said...

Hook a sprinkler up to a timer for 11:00 PM.

Set it and forget it...

Anonymous said...

Hard to believe that passed zoning approval! The hotel should enclose it to sound proof it. You can't really blame the hotel guests, they could be your sis or mum who booked a room and are clueless. Friggin crazy!

Anonymous said...

I am still amazed by all the complaining about the Cooper Square Hotel and its outdoor spaces being close to the windows of neighboring buildings.

The people who live in the rental building on 5th Street right behind the hotel should complain to the owner of their building instead. That building should NOT have lot line windows - but it does and they are facing the back of the hotel and its patios.

There is always a risk that another building will be built right up to the lot line, as was the Cooper Square Hotel, and technically the rental building shouldn't have ANY windows on that side of the building......so waa waa for them, but the hotel is within its rights to create outdoor spaces. The fact that there are ( possibly illegal ) lot line windows is not the hotel's fault.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like time for for a great stereo system and speakers in the windows and great sounds effects like dogs, screaming, gunshots, a junkie yelling at his or her dealer, etc, etc.

chris flash said...

Hey "Anonymous" douche bag: How dare you infer that because tenement tenants' windows face a "lot line," those tenants have no right to complain about obnoxious yuppie/Euro/Asian trash partiers right outside their windows?

There are sooo many creative ways to respond to these fuckers. Suggestions I've heard include slingshots aimed at their windows, rotten eggs (poke a small hole in an egg and let it sit for a week or two before throwing it), fermented urine (pee in a bottle and let it sit for a few weeks), paint bombs (pour paint inside a small bottle or xmas tree ball) and much more.

I look forward to reading about the creative responses to these arrogant monied transient interlopers and their hosts.

Take back the Lower East Side!!

Anonymous said...

wow, it's nice to see matt moss & co. (in the last comment) is at least paying attention to what the blogs are saying. the building in question was built pre-1900 and has legally stood there for more than a century. It's the last building on the block and those windows face its backyard--hardly illegal.
The Cooper Square Hotel now owns all of the Bowery between 5th and 6th Streets. They designed from scratch. They could have put the outdoor bar anywhere--like facing the far more scenic Cooper Union. Amazingly of all the places to put a bar, it's as if they went out of their way to annoy the most neighbors. In other communities easments would have stopped it. In other cities, the community board would've had a spine. In other businesses, there would have been an ounce of common sense and decency. But not here.

BaHa said...

Anonymous 6:04: I have never, ever posted a comment like this, but you are a fucking ass. Go the fuck back where you came from, you uneducated, heartless jerk. I hope that when you are old--or even middle-aged--that you have jerkwads shouting in your window when you are back at home in the midwest. Die.

hntrnyc said...

Horrible story, but I commend you Jeremiah on adding this feature. I look forward to the upcoming Summer flashpoint.

Water balloons are fairly benign, except if they are wearing dry-clean only couture.......

Anonymous said...

Hey Jeremiah, I'm an inch from the action in the neighboring building. How can I contribute to "Notes from the Backside?" I've got a ton of tales already.

Anonymous said...

Good to know that Chris Flash from Shadow Press is encouraging people to resort to vandalism, personal harassment and homemade science experiments ( including fermented urine ?? ) to attempt to solve their problems. talk about a douche. And BaHa, you are an offensive and obnoxious little minx, telling people you don't know that they are uneducated and wishing them ill will when they grow old. Damn....you must be unmarried, bitter and living in the building next to the Cooper Square Hotel fermenting your urine.

Jeremiah Moss said...

hey anon 11:17, you can send your tales to my email. it's under my profile and: jeremoss (at) yahoo (dot) com.

Anonymous said...

Hey Anon 11:23 apparently you don't consider a bunch of self absorbed drunk a-holes smoking, screaming and occassionally puking under your window harassment. And if a woman expresses an opinion about anything other than shopping then she must be unmarried - to a man - of course. Go back to your frat house, preferably on a suburban campus

chris flash said...

Anonymous moron 11:23: Read my post again. I'm not "encouraging" anyone to do anything. I merely described several creative methods of response to arrogant yuppie dipshits, such as yourself, that I have been hearing of lately. I also said that I look forward to reading accounts of said creative responses.

People like you make me want to puke -- all over YOU!!

Anonymous said...

I live in the building touching the outdoor patio. The hotel has already violated many of the points it agreed to in order to obtain its liquor licenses.
1. There are people smoking every evening on the patio, right outside our windows, which was forbidden in the deal. (PS Cooper Square Hotel: Half of them are ashing on your downstairs Table 8 outdoor patio tables. Better check on that before the opening.)
2. They are using the 5th Street "emergency egress" entrances to weirdly dump their trash all night long on weekends, clanking bottles and creaking carts back and forth all night making even more noise.
3. Soundproofing the walls of the 2nd floor bar--you can hear everything going on INSIDE the bar all night.
4. Tall trees and "sound baffling" on the terrace? Yeah, right.
5. The awning has to be down any time the patio is open. Nope. And the awning does nothing anyway.
6. Getting people inside by 8pm every night--they're at about 8:30 right now.
7. Keeping patrons away from the buildings on 5th Street: They send their employees to smoke directly outside 207 East 5th. Why not out in front of THEIR monolith? Yet another strike.

It's not a "shitshow" yet, but all of these violations need to be documented closely by concerned neighbors because the hotel is definitely going to apply for looser rules re: its liquor licenses, claiming it's abided by the original deal, and it has not. People find the neighbors cranky and "trendy" and suggest we move? I've lived in this neighborhood since most of the bar patrons were in diapers. I'm not a trendy hipster or a suburban crank. I'm a person trying to keep my sanity and sleep a little in a rough time with a horrendous, inconsiderate neighbor.

Good for my fellow neighbors for speaking out.

Anonymous said...

I went to check out the hotel and patio/ lounge area yesterday and saw that one of the neighbors hung some dirty men's underwear on a laundry line. You can see it as you walk up the stairs and it just hangs over the patio. HILARIOUS!!!

chris flash said...

Plenty more can be hung (and slung) over the patio. Neighbors have given the hotel more than enough opportunities to be considerate of the neighborhood in their planning, design and lay out of the place, but it's all been bullshit lip service. The placement of that outdoor patio and the arrogant oblivious slime that use it is a big FUCK YOU to those who live next to it!!

The management and patrons of this dive must be made to understand that they are in a RESIDENTIAL neighborhood. In the coming warmer summer nights, these scum will need to be reminded of this fact.

THAT'll give them something to complete their New York experience!!

Anonymous said...

Blame the hotel, not the patrons. Looks like the white patio furniture is a good target that a SuperSoaker filled with red food dye would polish off nicely.

Anonymous said...

its new york city. get over it. if you want quiet go to the country. you should feel privileged to live in this great city.

the residents, and students in the area, spend more time protesting the alleged wrongs of the hands they're dealt than embracing life and seeing the positive. you want to do something? find shelter for the homeless that wander that area day in and day out and be thankful for the people actually spending, and getting taxed on, their money that makes it possible for this city to survive.

free education and low rent is SUCH a shame.... i tell ya..

Sembaleetoah said...

I love this, I absolutely love this! All the big-city intelligentsia are saying: "Oooo, we have to increase density, get more people living in less space, do infill, blah. Blah. Blah".

What a joke. What an absolute, unbelievable joke. All the urban planners I know, by the way, who advocate carriage-homes, hi-rises, lofts, conversions, etc, live in single-detached Colonials on 40-foot lots in 'mature' suburbs. Talk about hypocrites ...

Anonymous said...

Get a superoaker and blast away. That might get them to go back inside.

Anonymous said...

This is an easy problem to solve. Just have the residents piss off the roof onto the bar below when no one is out there. Nothing like urine to set the mood for bar patrons.

Anonymous said...

ha having some cred as an (ex) new yorker, i just want to posit this to you little crybabies: the LES fucking sucked, what are you "taking back"? let go of the past. you live in a giant fuckin' tourist spot, why are you complaining? wah wah. keep up your goofy little battles against "outsiders", i'd rather claim my [LA] mall's food court than claim NYC proudly.

Anonymous said...

paintball gun... stink bombs. smoke bombs. stink bomb first, then the smoke bombs. then as the smoke starts to build start firing away from the roof. that would be awesome.

Mockingbird said...

The residents have my sympathy, I used to live in a seaside village in rural Devon (UK). Our minute flat was sited between three drinking establishments, every single night from late April until early October the drunks would stagger out of the watering holes, they would urinate on our dustbins, try and destroy the bus shelter opposite, or just stand in the middle of the road screaming incoherently. We also had a chip shop round the corner, and they used to launch their fast food containers over the wall into the garden. The police took up permanent residence. Every other night we had a burnt out car in the big car park opposite. Your only real recourse to win against this onslaught of the unthinking and barely sentient is to gather as much evidence of the negative impact on your lives, and the persistent violations by the hotel's management, and cause a shit-storm in a legal case. The only thing these people really understand is money, and if they have to compensate residents, and have their licence revoked for violations of the terms of the agreement, job done, and the residents win. There have to be laws somewhere that protect residents.

Anonymous said...

i am trying to add lot line windows to my home down the street from you and turns out they are not legal per NYC fire code. the hotel built a legal patio, and as unfortunate as that is for this neighbor they acted within the law of this city. HOWEVER, your windows are not legal so it sounds like the obvious solution to your problem would be to follow the law and have your windows bricked in. im sure the city would be happy to do it for you free of charge!

Michael said...

Wow
first I live in Dallas. Plan on moving to NY soon and I can't wait! First off anyone defending the hotel/ bar is an idiot! This has nothing to do with "cranky" or "old" people living next door.. Even if u go out every night of the week u do no want to come home to a noisy bar! Unless if course u are so drunk u slip into a coma for the night! Get real people. These neighbors could be potential customers if they were not getting shit on.

Also doesn't matter that this is "new york"! There is nothing that says if u live in the city u must be prepared for noise and the endless party! I live near a strip in Dallas know for the bars! I used to go out 5 out the 7 days of the week. I wanted yo have fun and lived close so I could walk to the bars but the party stopped when I got home! From the post I read many people lived there before the hotel was built.. Why should they have to put up with this. The people that like to go our and party may find nothing wrong with the bar but the fact is 90% of the people don't drink all night. These people get up early and go to work!! I personally do not live a "normal" life (getting up early and go to work) but I am very respectful to those that do..

Of course everyone is different and we all live different life styles but the key to it all is being respectful to others around u! That is the golden rule off life. I bet these same people defending the bars think it is ok to drive after having a few drinks ("I'm not hurting anyone by driving drunk at 2am") until skrecccch bang u hit a family driving home from out of town, or a family on the move. Then all of the sudden u are affecting people. What if u were drinking all night and the coma enduced by too many drinks was wearing off and the thousands of people getting up at 7 am to go to work were annoying u (banging on your door) or (purposly standing outside your window talking and being loud) I bet u wouldn't be so happy!

The hotel needs to live up to the conditions set forth and try that much harder to go the extra mile to be respectful of thier neighbors! That's the problem with people in this country they all feel entitled and feel as if everything revolves around them when we share the same space with so many others (yes I was born and raised in this country).

If the hotel doesn't own up to and fix these problems. I Say the neighbors should do any and everything within a legal manor of course to resolve the problem themselves!

Funny how the idiots defending the hotel/ bar are posting without names.

Michael (Dallas, TX)
bli182nk@gmail.com