Thursday, September 23, 2010

People Are Weird

Unison Fetish has returned to Bleecker Street on weekends this month to perform their satirical cupcake song and dance routine. They march through the crowds of shoppers and tourists, a line of women--and one man--all attired in pink satin dresses and heels, holding cupcakes in their fists.

Consumers stop and take photos. They smile. They seem oblivious to the fact that they are being mocked. True, the mockery is soft, subtle, and could be taken for genuine enthusiasm. The lyrics are sung to God Bless America:

"God bless Magnolia
Cupcakes we love
Stand in line here
For a time here
Buy a treat Carrie Bradshaw would love.
Bless Ralph Lauren
And Marc Jacobs
All the global luxury brands!
God bless Magnolia
Temptations so sweet...
God bless Magnolia
And the New Bleecker Street!"

Subtlety is lost on New Bleecker's crowd, which may not always contain the most evolved thinkers.

A little boy asks his mother, "Why is there a man in a dress?"

The mother answers, "Because people are weird."

Where are we? Little Wisconsin?


  1. Hey, lay off Wisconsin. It's an oasis of tolerance and progressivism going back to the days of Bob LaFollette. If you're looking for shorthand for ignorant rubes, maybe consider something in the Deep South (and then, consider that those states are full of ignorant assholes in part because all their enlightened kids flee to big cities like NYC as soon as they're able).

  2. i say it just to get the cheeseheads riled up again. seriously, though, i have nothing against Wisconsin, i just want it to stay in Wisconsin. like i think California should stay in California, and etc. (i'm sure some genius will now try and equate that with xenophobia against Mexicans.)

    Greenwich Village was once a world apart, where anything was possible. now it's an upscale suburban shopping mall because the so-called Heartland is spreading like a cancer into the heart of this city, making it a less comfortable place for "weirdos" to exist.

    this makes me angry and sad beyond words.

  3. Unison Fetish? Some people have too much time on their hands.

    The West Village lost it; it's now another shopping mall.

  4. 'Mommy, why is there a man wearing a plastic slice of cheese on his head standing yelling on Christopher Street?'

  5. Maybe what she really meant to say is "Because some people are desperate for attention".

  6. Amusing people still think NYC has anything worth saving. This town is played out- has been for 15 years...

  7. everything changes. unfortunatly there wasnt enough $/power in the right hands. no one would pay off the developers. no one could pass laws to stop this. i am embarrassed- i told people NYC was a colonial city that respected tradition.

  8. So, just what exactly is "Wisconsin culture"?
    It ain't malls, since all states have malls.

    Great beer? (That's bad?)
    Frank Lloyd Wright architecture and the impetus for Modernism?
    Three socialists mayors of Milwaukee? (NYC only had one, and look what we have now?)
    LaFollette and the Progressive Movement?
    Beautiful scenery?
    Delicious bratwurst?
    Limburger cheese?(the only state in the USA where it is produced?
    Several Historic District that are in the Federal Register?
    Friendly people? (How awful!)
    Political innovations that NYC eventually copied, like:
    Primaries, Worker's Comp, regulation of the railroads, progressive taxation, direct election of Senators?

    I mean, some Wisconsin football fans don a cheese head and that personifies an entire state???

    What about Giants/Jets fans who paint their face, or other fans who gaily walk around with shirts with some other guys' name and number on their back?

    Btw, I grew up in Brooklyn, went to Ebbets Field, pioneered neighborhoods when no one wanted to live in them, etc, etc., been to about 40 states and 30 foreign countries, so I don't need to prove my NYC credentials to anyone.

    In fact, I own a house in the Hamptons, but rent it out in the summer and spend a fabulous month on the shores of Lake Michigan in a neighborhood whose architecture puts Easthampton to shame, on a lake that resembles an ocean, and where even tough gang members from the ghetto nearby say hello to you on the street.

    So, please just let me know exactly is "Wisconsin culture" and what is so unacceptable with my list of Wisconsin culture that I made above?

  9. There's nothing wrong with Wisconsin culture, at least the positive elements ( and I'm sure your list covered the totality of it ), as long as it STAYS IN WISCONSIN.
    I don't want to be there and I don't need privileged brats from cheeseland moving here and trying to tell me how great it is there.
    And the last thing NYC needs at this late stage is another wave of semi surburbanized Wisconsin fetishists trying to remold the now overdeveloped neighborhoods of New York in their image.
    It only adds insult to injury. And it's a major insult at that.

  10. Oh, come on, Jeremiah, do you think all those weirdos were born and bred in New York City? Half of 'em come from flyover country, the weirdos from Bumblefuck Bible Belt America for whom Milwaukee or Minneapolis is too small and straight a pond. Another 49% come from from flyover countries the world over. They all come here from places where it's not safe to be weird, those huddled masses yearning to make art and starve in a garret on St. Mark's Place (won't they be disappointed!). And the native New Yorkers? They're too fucking cynical and bored to be weird anymore.

  11. ok...

    Richard hell - Lexington, KY
    Jackson Pollock - Cody, WY
    Andy Warhol - Pittsburgh, PA
    Allen Gisberg - Newark, NJ
    Truman Capote - New Orleans,LA
    Jack Kerouac - Lowell, MA
    Bob Dylan - Duluth, MN
    Mark Rothko - Daugavpils, Latvia
    Keith Haring - Reading, PA

    this shit could go on for days.

  12. i don't think anyone is saying that people (esp. the "weirdos") should not come to NYC from elsewhere. i did, too. what we're talking about is the recent trend in which non-weirdos come to this city and then de-weird it with their suburban ways.

    i would never defend my hometown or my home state in this context. i have some fond feelings for it, but i was glad to leave it behind. why protect Wisconsin? or wherever? your state doesn't need protection. but Greenwich Village does.

    anyway, here's my thing about natives and newcomers:

  13. Yeah, I don't recall anyone saying weirdos can't move here. But why do people, and there's alot of them these days, who love luxurified suburban living want to move here ???
    I have met recent transplants from Cali, and they complain about garbage and dirty streets and having to see a dead rat.
    But instead, they stay. And tell their friends back home about the great bistros and lounges and high rise condos, and work hard everyday to obliterate the old town and build a gleaming, glassy phallus on top of the corpse of the old city.

  14. 8:57am here...

    The problem is that people don't move to the city to slum it or hang out with weirdos. For the most part they never did. They moved here for the job market.

    This is the largest city in the country and it holds the jobs people want in fashion, design, art, finance, media, whatever. These people move here to make a living and sometimes dislike the funky environment many of us enjoy and moved here for. If I had to move to Bismark for work I'm sure I would bitch even though it's a place many people wish would never change.

    Another thing. Its human nature to transplant where ever you came from into your new surroundings. The majority of this city has been shaped by this. I live in an area with more Mexican Bakeries than most states. Bed Stuy and Harlem has better Soul Food than most of the south. Should I be pissed at these people from wanting to have Mexican Bakeries and soul food? It seems illogical to then be pissed off if some Wisconsinites wants some places to find cheese curds.

    however I'm sure that pisses you off.

    one more thing.

    PEOPLE FUCKING LOVE CHAIN STORES. If you go into any Applebee's or Red Lobster or Lowe's or Target I bet you 10 dollars the majority of the people there are born and bred New Yorkers. Most people dont give a shit about weirdos and transplants boohooing over their perception of the city. They just want to live their lives and not die poor and lonely.

  15. RE 8:57...Of course native New Yorkers shop in chain stores...because there's no other choice. In a luxurified city the chains are about the only affordable place to go.
    I love it when ethnic communities bring their culture with them, and I happen to be a part of an ethnic community.
    They are a bunch well off brats who wouldn't know ethnic authenticity if it walked up and punched them in the face.
    They are generic, homogenized whitey's from one of the blandest places on this Earth.
    And instead of wanting to get away from that, they want to bring it here and force the rest of us to swallow it.
    Thanks, but no thanks.

  16. That is just a silly thing to say.

    also why dont you move to the bronx? Its nice and I'm pretty sure you wont see any homogenized white people. I'm serious, they're some lovely areas.

  17. "Wisconsinites ARE NOT AN ETHNIC COMMUNITY."
    No kidding!

    Thus, how can an state have a "culture"?
    How can there be a "Wisconsin culture"?
    What is the "New York culture", pray tell?
    Ethnicities have a culture!
    Nations may have a culture!
    Get my point?

    This is the third time I've asked a definition of "Wisconsin culture", and no one seems to be able to answer it, except with hateful knee-jerk parochialism.

    You say you are an ethnic.
    You say that ethnic culture is acceptable to you.
    Sounds self-serving to me.

    Funny you write that Wisconsinites wouldn't know ethnic authenticity. Really? During my vacation there this summer, I attended a Mexican fest and an Italian fest in Racine, a German fest in Milwaukee, a Serbian fest in Appleton. I missed the Milwaukee Irish fest unfortunately.

    Clearly, you suffer from a bit of bigotry. You call Wisconsites "well-off brats" and "whiteys". Would you have the guts to go the ghetto near where I stayed in Wisconsin and call the gang members there "well-off brats" and "blackies"?

    Do you have the guts to go up to the Hell's Angel's on E. 3rd Street and tell them to take their Harleys back to Milwaukee because it represents "Wisconsin culture"?

    As I wrote earlier here at September 23, 2010 2:15 PM, I am a native NYer who has widely traveled, but I am not so quick to denigrate any specific group that I clearly know nothing about nor a place that I never visited.

    Nyers are supposed to be a tolerant bunch. Try.

    As far as "well-off brats". For dinner tonight, I am grilling some Johnsonville brats that I brought back.

    In comparison, they make Nathan's Hot Dogs taste like, well, a warmed-over canine.

    There is a big world out there, my friend. Explore and learn from it.

  18. To Sean- I was referring to the generic, homogenized whitey's I've met From Wisconsin who are GENERIC, HOMOGENIZED WHITEY'S, hence my description of them as such.
    I've been to Wisconsin and I wasn't impressed.
    And I wouldn't call gangbangers in Wisconsin brats because they're not. And the same goes for the Angel's on 3rd street. I call young trust fundies who move here brats because in my PERSONAL EXPERIENCE that's what they are.
    I'm not a bigot, and don't appreciate being called one.
    I don't appreciate you asking me if I'm tough enough to do this or that. Taking it all a little too personally, sweetie.
    I have every right to comment about whatever I dislike.
    As far as getting out and seeing the world, I've lived and worked in Antarctica, and will be redeploying to the South Pole in October, so I'm positive I've seen far more of this Earth than you EVER WILL.
    If you have any more issues with me just exchange email with me through Jeremiah and we'll take it from there.

  19. Typical NY'er, perpetually bitter, steadfast on life sucking, and intolerant of anything west of the Hudson. That's what makes the NYC, NYC, people are from everywhere, including the mid-west. You know your missing out on a lot of beautiful things by being so closed-minded. Shame...


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