At a non-descript diner on the Upper West Side, enjoying the quiet until a young couple walks in and sits in the booth behind me. They are loud-talkers.
He: I like to come to a diner every once in awhile to have a Seinfeld experience.
She: Do they have latkes?
He: Sure, they have hashbrowns.
She: I want latkes. I've had a very stressful day!
He: Latkes, hashbrowns, what's the difference?
She: Come on. I've had a very stressful day.
He: Look, they have something called the Colossal Meatball.
She: Colossal balls sound good to me! Ha ha! I've had such a stressful day. Seriously, don't they have any fruit on this menu? How about some organic greens? All they have here is crap.
He: I need a drink.
She orders a fruit, "no melon," and he gets a glass of Sauvignon Blanc. They continue to wish out loud that they were dining someplace else. I wish the same.
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a.k.a. The Book of Lamentations:
a bitterly nostalgic look at a city in the process of going extinct
- Jeremiah Moss
- THE BOOK:
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THE BLOG:
"the go-to hub for those who lament New York's loss of character." --Crain's
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“Jeremiah Moss…is the defender of all the undistinguished hunks of masonry that lend the streets their rhythm.” --Justin Davidson, New York Magazine
"One of the most thorough and pugnacious chroniclers of New York’s blandification." --The Atlantic, Citylab
"Hyperbolic and combative, tireless and passionate." --Salon
"Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house."
ReplyDelete—Fran Leibowitz
WHERE is Patrick Bateman?
ReplyDeleteSauvignon Blanc. Right.
ReplyDeletelatkas & organic greens? in the same place? take me there. make sure the greens are washed in spring water, slightly boiled. then give me the seinfeld experience.
ReplyDeleteSeriusly, there are still people who reference Seinfeld like that?
ReplyDeleteI remember when men wore hats (not only Fedora hats or baseball caps) tipped their hats to both ladies and gents, held the door to women, women were smart, witty, modest and had class. Today, tights are considered pants, short mini skirts showing their transparent undies or labia are considered appropriate, men's arrogance and their investor's and trust fund money are considered strength, which is really otherwise. Money, esp. new and unearned money, don't buy class and civility. Today, you have the loudmouth Carrie Bradshaw types or the unapologetic whiny self-obsessed 'voice of her generation' Girls types. I believe this is what the Mayans predicted about the world going upside down.
ReplyDeleteNot Joe Brainard — well said. It's the end of the world as we know it...and I don't feel fine.
ReplyDeletejust you wait. you havnt seen anything-yet. about the "seinfeld experience", @least hes good for the jews (this year). hes not vulgar, he's funny & smart. what i really wanted to know, was what is the status of this UWS non discript diner? wish "J" took photos. i wonder how long it will be there, since its "non" discript, & not organic.
ReplyDeleteIn my day people like that were strung up and butchered. My day was during the Spanish Inquisition.
ReplyDelete@Not Joe Brainard: your view is extremely sexist, portraying woman as weak subjects that are out there to be pampered and looked after by men. God forbids they are body confident or, the horror, can open the doors they are passing through!
ReplyDeleteA Seinfeld experience? You can't have that without comfort food on the lower-quality side, for the most part. Being too picky is not an option. THAT'S the diner experience for you.
ReplyDeleteAndrew, you're comment is sexist.
ReplyDelete* your
ReplyDeleteMeant to say you're a sexist or your comment is sexist, which resulted in combination if both.
Don't be sexist, you'll piss off the brauds.
ReplyDeleteI spend a ridiculous amount of time unwillingly listening to conversations like this, from the extraordinarily loud british woman who talked all through dinner about how attractive she is (yes, really) or the midwestern guy who complained to his companions about how old people in his building don't pay their share of rent, but I don't want to be thinking about this, It seemed like in the past I had a life and annoyances made up about 10% now this kind of stuff occupies my mind maybe 75% of the time and I'm surprised if I ever have a good time when I'm out.
ReplyDeleteandrew: a big fat ass on a big fat girl w/naked thighs should be outlawed. (@least in my universe & my diner). body confident? no, deluded. what ever happened to healthy shame? you certainly have no class, why dont you have lunch w/the melon girl? joe brainard said it all, & very well indeed. you wouldnt get it, dont even try.
ReplyDeleteYou know what's the most aggravating part of that conversation? His "balls" joke.
ReplyDeleteI'm OK with the outdated Seinfeld reference. I'm OK with them hating the menu. I certainly credit her for knowing "latkes" and wanting them. But how can she abide a gentleman friend who makes jokes about testicles simply for seeing the word "ball"? How old was he? 20? Did he have a backwards ball cap on? I'm surprised he didn't call her "bruh" (for "bro").
Elwood D.P. - He was just reading the menu - she cracked up at "balls." (Isn't it a sad day when one comes to the defense of a guy who says "Latkes, hashbrowns, what's the difference?")
ReplyDeleteLove how this thread has taken a turn for calling out women who don't dress "appropriately." If that's what you're spending time bemoaning, something tells me you wouldn't love the NYC of forty years ago any more than now.
ReplyDeleteBack in my day when men wore hats, women couldn't get abortions! They were too witty, modest, and classy! Now they're all loudmouthed whores!
You can call out entitlement and bad fashion without shaming women. It's sad to see potential activists acting like short shorts are society's real problem.
Holy mother of God, it's about civility. the women back then may not have been blessed art thou amongst women, but at least they were full of grace. The woman in the diner exemplifies the rudeness and obnoxiousness of the SATC types of today, just like how they're dressed. Being offensive does not equate integrity. Pray for us sinners, proud mary.
ReplyDelete