Wednesday, December 9, 2015


SantaCon is coming. I hope to avoid it. Here's a SantaCon repost from Christmas past:

On the downtown 6 train, on the day of Santacon.

Doofus Tourist Man: Hey, what's up with all the Santa suits?

Santacon Man: It's New York! Woo!

New Yorker Woman: (intervening) It's called Santacon. People dress up like Santa and get drunk.

Doofus: Awesome! So they just walk around shit-faced all day? That's awesome.

New Yorker: No, it's not awesome, actually, it's pretty horrible.

Doofus: What are you, Ebenezer Scrooge?

New Yorker: Yes, I am.

Doofus: But it's New York!

New Yorker: (getting upset) You're telling me it's New York? You're telling me?

Doofus: What, you live here?

New Yorker: Yes, I do.

Doofus: But you're not from here, originally.

New Yorker: Yes, I am.

Doofus: So you see this Santa thing all the time?

New Yorker: Yeah. And it gets old pretty quick.

Doofus: (giving up) Huh. Well, I guess it's a local holiday. Like Kwanzaa.


zuzuzpetals said...

Perfect sum up of the whole Scon situation.

Tal Hartsfeld said...

I'd probably just stare and roll my eyes repeatedly and simply mutter "Dumb-ass holidays".
Then again, I've never been your "average" visitor/traveler. 30 years ago I was just about going everywhere "riding the thumb" (okay, most places in the U.S. that is).

Alter Kocker said...

What should I worry about some meshugane goyim running around like vilde chayos. Nu, its a free country. Of course, Folsom East half-naked leather faygeles are authentic New York, right?

laura rubin said...

alter kocker: the naked falsom is on one street. santacon is all over, there are no boundaries. being a cultural libertine i think anything goes BUT in its proper place. drunk parties should be in some park some where or on a restricted street. personally i would avoid both of these NY events.

King Ning said...

Pray that the Dow nosedives to 6,000, wiping out the indulgent parents who subsidize these useless, whimsical kidults and forces them to move back to the tract housing communities located in the Great Plains from whence they spawned.

Barbara Neman said...

Oh good lordie. We have an annual get-dressed-as-santa-and-get-soused-together thing here in Cincinnati. Nothing "New York" about this silly event at all.

Sign me, born and raised in The Bronx.

Ms. Mercenary said...

Quite a bit late to the party, and I try to not venture outside during Santacon unless I absolutely MUST; however, I often find myself in the Hospital Lane (York Ave/1st Ave between high 60s/mid70s, and the number of plastered Santas in scrubs is alarming (hope none of them are on call). I'm assuming if one ends up in the ER - god forbid - they will be surrounded by Santas.

I agree with the New Yorker: this is very NOT New York. If we speak of New York as a melting pot, an eccentric single drunk Santa somewhere (in Union Square, perhaps) IS New York. A bazzilion drunk Santas and slutty Elves is more Jersey Shore. Certainly not New York.