Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Pint of No Return

After a mere three months, The Pint of No Return has closed. It's yet another casualty for the ever-changing corner of 13th and 6th in Manhattan.

You might recall when the gelato shop Maximo Pino opened here in January 2010. That was replaced by the Rockography lounge in March 2011, which was in turn replaced by sports grille Blitz! Brasserie last summer, which then morphed into The Pint of No Return in October. That makes four scrapped "concepts" in just two years. And they're all from the same owner.

Someone's got to have a winning idea for this corner. How about:

Brooklyn Bacon N' Brew: A taste of "authentic" Brooklyn, featuring chef-selected pairings of pork products and small-batch beers.

Bespoke Burger: Each patty is hand-crafted and signed by a certified burger artisan to bring out the complex flavors ground beef was meant for.

The Meatball Warehouse: Nothing but meatballs--all made from locally sourced New York City meats, including Coney Island sea robin, Central Park squirrel, and super-fresh, street-to-table "squab."

Nevermind, looks like they're going to try a European espresso bar next. Says The Real Deal, "The West Village will be adding yet more European flair to its tree-lined streets as it welcomes an espresso franchise direct from the continent." How long do you think that will last?

Maximo Change-O


EV Grieve said...

Well, these are all good ideas that will be even better if you combine them. With a few twists.

So I propose:

Brooklyn Burger, Balls, Bacon Bits N' Brew. (AKA — B6. Which pays homage to 6th Avenue as well.)

Highlights: The Farm-to-Table externs will lead you through the menu (made from biodegradable paper mulch) of organically raised animals. You select what one you want. And — presto! B6's rbGH-free farm team will deliver your meal. Within two hours, the extern, with your help, humanely slaughter the cow or pig tableside.

Can't give away any more trade secrets.

Regardless, I hope that the new owners will respect the corner's long history and keep the Pint of No Return sign intact.

Jeremiah Moss said...

brilliant! i love the name.

Ken Mac said...

Thanks for the morning laugh! Meatball Warehouse..isn't that what Archie Bunker called his son in law? Hey Meatball! Nothing but meatheads in most of these joints anway...
Ev Grieve is killing it as usual!

abrod said...

Open up an artisanal sandwich shop specializing in Coney Island whitefish heros. Tell the NYU kids it's pole-caught, they won't figure it out.

JAZ said...

I would like it to be turned into an interactive space called 'Reminiscence'.

It would serve as a meeting place where people would come in and share with everyone where they were the moment Carrie Bradshaw bit into the cupcake, and how that magical event changed their lives forever.

The walls would be white canvas, where the customer would then write a short thank-you to Candace Bushnell, and list whether they are 'a Samantha, a Carrie, a Charlotte, or a Miranda'.

Keeping with the theme of authentic New York, the menu will consist of 38 varieties of artisanal cupcake, organic hummus dips, $15 chocolate bars made with fair trade Ethiopian cocoa brought to the shores of Brooklyn via steam ship, and a Wiscotacular cheese curd fixins bar.

Hopefully we could get Marc Jacobs involved in this somehow as well.

randall said...

@ Abrod (or shall I say Moriarty)

You are one step ahead of me at every turn. First with the Ghostbusters reference on EVG concerning that firehouse for sale and now with the Coney Island whitefish reference. I was thinking more along the lines of a "bespoke" fish and chips joint featuring the whitefish, pole caught of course and with extra tartar sauce, proudly located on the Avenue of Americas

James Campbell Taylor said...

Blitz Brasserie? I don't think I even saw that one. Must have been the weekend I was at Fire Island.

This corner is indicative of a new type of restaurant owner that knows they want to open a restaurant (for all the wrong reasons) but haven't gotten any further than that.

Witness New York's current slurge of interchangeable, half-assed, vague concepts currently passing for new directions in dining.

Anonymous said...

The "Bros & Hos Sports Bar" concept seems to be working well citywide. They should just call it what it is. Or maybe that annoying dude from Wisconsin has a concept? "Cheeseheads" might be a hit.

Grade "A" Fancy said...

I propose the first, original location of The Mac & Cheez Resort Spa! Parents -- drop off your 21+ child for a day of supervised play in a vat of macaroni and cheese. Regular doses of designer vodka are administered. Reservations are mandatory; start telephoning now.

Little Earthquake said...

Coney Island Whitefish - now that's a term you don't hear too often! Ha....I remember a (crappy) Aerosmith song about that.

Marty Wombacher said...

Here's my idea: A new comedy club called, "LOL!!!!" Basically this would be a comedy club where no talking is allowed. You give your smart phone number to the greeter at the door and sit in your own private booth. The comedians stay backstage and text audience members their own private jokes. Instead of laughter or applause, after the joke you text the comedian back an appropriate response like: "LOL!!!!!" "WTF?????" or "SMH." There would be an option to retweet all the interaction on Twitter.

Brendan said...

"Or maybe that annoying dude from Wisconsin has a concept?"

He's from Virginia.

On the subject of the post--this might actually be a case where the landlord is simply asking for more rent than any business can sustain for more than a few months, even at 13th and 6th. I wonder if the landlord can actually make more money cycling through a series of failed commercial tenants than he could lowering the rent to the point where a business could be solvent there in the long term--the logic of the Manhattan real estate market pushed to its absurd conclusion.

Katrink said...

Marty - love the comedy club idea. Better yet, everyone gets to be the comedian, even the audience! That way there's no need to pay actual professionals. Nowadays it's all DIY.
I'm surprised noone has suggested adding authentic subway rat to the menu.

Claribel said...

It’s true, Anon @ 10:31am, that annoying dude from Wisconsin isn't even originally from Wisconsin (he went to school there), so the more apt name would be "Cheez Whiz heads." (Mark my words, someone is out there working on artisanal Cheez Whiz sandwiches as I write this.) Whatever it becomes, I hope they have a phone charging station.

Brendan, unfortunately the absurd conclusion makes for a schizophrenic town, with businesses more transient than the transients who've lived here. Whatever the landlord’s motivation, it’s still about short-term profit over the long-term needs of a neighborhood.

esquared said...

a winning idea for this corner?

two words -- sub·way
or 7·11
or star·bucks

or if they wanna keep the European flair -- the Trettende Baeckerei (paying respect to 13th st.) a Danish bakery where the pastries are yeast-free, milk/dairy-free, casein-free, egg-free, gluten-free, flour-free, baking soda-free, i.e. the baked goods are all virtual and one can taste them via inhalation from a flavored oxygen tank or by hooking up their iWhatever directly to their veins or brains thus simulating the tastes of the bread, buns, cakes, etc.

elan said...

I've got one: JOE JR'S!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Why don't they look around and see what the neighborhood is missing - Joe Jr's.

Anonymous said...

It's going to be a Segafredo cafe, a franchise of the chain that is now in Miami.


Starbucks it ain't.