Monday, February 7, 2011

East Village Blend

As Grieve discovered recently, upscale Brooklyn grocer Union Market is coming to the East Village--because, somehow, this neighborhood can support both it and a big-box Whole Foods just a block away. Anyhow, it seems the next question that logically follows is: How will they represent the stereotypical East Village resident on their sure-to-come East Village Blend coffee?



Their Park Slope Blend features a Mommy pushing a giant-wheeled SUV stroller, while their Williamsburg Blend stars a hipster and a Hasidic man (striking a "whaddya gonna do?" kind of pose).



In another era, Union Market might have put a mohawked punk on the East Village Blend coffee bag, but in that era there would not have been such a blend, nor even the idea of such a blend, nor an upscale grocer on Avenue A. So, in 2011, who is the iconic East Villager? Let Union Market know who you want to see on their East Village Blend:

A. Puking frat boy (in polo shirt with popped collar)
B. Screaming bachelorette wielding giant inflatable penis
C. Slumming heiress (not really slumming)
D. A horde of zombies walking and texting on iPhones
or
E. ___________________________?

19 comments:

Warren Bobrow said...

Pictures of the riots on Tompkin Sq. Park. Or do we suddenly forget our past?

Desirre said...

How about a Chase bank? Or an artist being kicked out by a trust fund baby? Or a bunch of shiny new condos? Or a poser on his cell phone while tapping on his iPad trampling an artist?

I think you should send your suggestions to them!

Anonymous said...

E. A hipster screaming that he's not a hipster.

Seth Gordon said...

E. A B-List celebrity shopping for a condo.

Anonymous said...

An aging punk rocker with a cane.

Anonymous said...

I suggest a just-built glass condo tower with a homeless person in front.

EV Grieve said...

E. All of the above.

Distortion not Noise said...

A limo with A and be being chased by D.

BaHa said...

Three young girls in sky-high heels walking arm in arm on a narrow sidewalk.

Caleo said...

Since the EV is so compact, I think all the above suggestions should be represented.
The depth and width of the decadent ridiculousness of this whole transformation of our city just never stops.
The gift that just keeps on giving.

Anonymous said...

A dollar sign

esquared said...

e. nyu kid[s] in an nyu/jersey/shirt/gym apparel

f. wall street financiers in their ivy league regalia

g. wisconsinites in packers jerseys

h. scary sadshaws in their manolos and mini-skirts with cupcakes or fro-yo in hand

i. trust fund hipsters in jeggings, or american apparel tights wearing them as pants

j. slow-walking tourists, camera hanging at their necks with fanny packs

k. ev lambo

l. the east village is dead mural outside mars bar

c.5 slumming heiresses (neither slumming nor an heiress, just pretending to be one, aka the kardashians)

d(redux). simply, just zombies

Jeremiah Moss said...

all wonderful suggestions. keep those concepts coming, i am sure the people at Union Market will appreciate the creative assistance.

Goggla said...

E: A steaming bowl of ramen.

Melanie said...

The Pitbull in the pink sweater on the package.

Marty Wombacher said...

They could have a special Christmas edition with three hundred Santas throwing up on each other outside of The 13th Step.

michael said...

How about some blogger saying that the coffee used to taste better in the early 80's when some street artist made it with heroin?

Crazy Eddie said...

A seventy something smoking a cigarette outside the Blarney Cove---at 7 AM! Now that would really be EV cool.

Shaun said...

This gives me worry for the future of the Essex Street Market. I was just walking this neighborhood today, went to the Market. It'd be a real shame to see that market go.