Thursday, June 5, 2008

Sex Toys & the City

What luck, what joy--as I was walking past the Pleasure Chest in Greenwich Village yesterday I ran smack into them: Sex and the City tourists clamoring off a giant bus and hustling into the sex shop! I've been hoping for such an opportunity. I joined their pack and was welcomed by the sex-shop hostess, "Come on in, Honey, where ya from?" Um, Ohio?

Celebrating the "Sex and the City legacy" and "honoring this groundbreaking movie," the Pleasure Chest was done up special in frothy pink. Pink edible panties, pink feather boas, pink penis pinatas (kind of disturbing to think about that one). And you get 25% off all of it with a ticket stub from the movie.

The girls and their moms giggled and jostled their way around the shop, snapping pictures and delicately handling the dicey merchandise. Vibrators clicked on, glowing and humming in the hands of the Midwesterners. I wondered, What was each gal's signature vibe? The Pleasure Chest had 4 "City Girl Favorites" to choose from:

The Charlotte: "every girl's best friend"
The Miranda: "suitable for any power-loving woman"
The Samantha: "ultra stylish stainless steel butt plug"
and The Carrie: "the Manolo Blahnik of sex toys" (!)

I wish you'd been there with me when the salesguy informed the crowd that the wooden paint-stirrers repurposed as spankers ("Spank Someone Happy") in the glass jar were free. "Free?!" the tourists screeched, and I was shoved out of the way by a mob of grabbing gals (and guys) all giddy with thoughts of spanking each other silly back in their rooms at the Amerisuites Hotel Secaucus later that night.

As I snapped pics of the SATC consumer orgy, sneering with glee at the cartoonish scene, I began to have strange feelings. Like the Grinch whose heart grew three sizes, I was seized by a moment of compassion when something sparkly caught my eye. It was a small gold crucifix hanging around the neck of a middle-aged, conservative mom. Her daughter, in adult-sized sailor dress, wore the same cross. I looked around. There were crosses everywhere. And then I realized: The Christians are shopping for butt plugs and vibrating eggs!

I love hating SATC too much to stop hating it, but there might be one good thing to come from it if, in the tightly wrapped heart of the American heartland, more Christian women are having orgasms and more Christian men are discovering their own assholes.

a midwestern mom peruses the naughty greeting cards

This epiphany came on the same day when a few too many Park Slope moms were "shocked" by the local opening of Babeland, a queer-feminist-run sex shop that promises those moms no sex toys in the windows, so as not to "make anyone uncomfortable."

While many Park Slope moms seem to feel okay about Babeland, to those who are freaking out I'd say, "Stop being so suburban." But after my experience in the Pleasure Chest, I might have to change my tune. As the city becomes a suburban land of Joneses, will the suburbs become the new cities?
Don't worry, I still hate it:


KnicksBasketballNY said...

I am starting to feel sick again.

Anonymous said...

A friend from England recently visited NY (her last visit was 5 years ago) and commented that NYC is like Las Vegas.

"more Christian men are discovering their own assholes"

more like:

more Christian men are discovering their own assholes are their significant others


more Christian men are discovering they're assholes

Anonymous said...

i ran into the same tour group on their next stop - magnolia bakery...

oh god, this must be what hell is like.

Anonymous said...

Saw that tour also. Was with a friend who remarked, Man, I feel ashamed to be white.

Anonymous said...

seriously? they need a GD tour to go buy a vibrator at the Pink Pussycat? What dopes.

Here, I have been reading all the blog chatter over SATC, and this was pretty funny:

Anonymous said...

I don't understand the snarky remarks - this is the most fun and celebratory post I have ever read on your blog! I love to think of the playful middle aged sex that ensued.

Anonymous said...

Cleveland OHIO has one of the most successful sex toy chains around - Ambiance - with buttplugs, vibrators and toys to make Samantha feel like a Toy in Babeland.

Come visit us sometime an you'll see nary whatever-it-is-assume-Ohio-has-that-makes -it-inferior... what you WILL see is a whole lot of art, restaurants and affordable housing on a coast.


Jeremiah Moss said...

aw, some of my best friends hail from or live in ohio. sadly, you come from a state whose name is often used to stand for an entire mid-american mindset. of course we all know lots of cool things happen in ohio.

sara said...

Woo-hoo, Cleveland has one of the most sex toys chains around -- is that their claim to fame and only what they have to offer?

If Ohio is so great, why is it that most of your population relocates esp. to NYC?

I'd rather get a double-fleet enema and a root canal while listening to Kenny G or Michael Bolton than to ever live in Ohio.

Griffin said...

Quick hint: wearing cross jewelry != Christian. Especially for people from an area where professing to be Christian is part of "standard" culture.

Dildos said...

very colorful sex Toys....

Anonymous said...

cities will collapse it's true, time is ticking USA will be one of the first to go

most people don't care, personality cannot be changed.

good to see likeminded people are congregating and discussing the same issues, hopefully they will move into the same area, and move away completely.

Hopefully they will move quickly enough to avoid overseas surprises when it all breaks down.

Anonymous said...

Wow.. it's so nice to be their.. I think that was the biggest event. --Milca--

Adult toys said...

I love the dildos :)) PINK!

Wally said...

This is how they make money. Commercy gets to top, and such a serial like Sex and the City is one of best ways to promote sex products.

Rabbit Vibrators said...

I've never been to NYC but I'd love to go soon.

rs said...

this is what new york is known for?? cant wait to tell my friends!! thanks for the tip.